Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize