Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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