Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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