I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow bdsm is so cute
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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