You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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