Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
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She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
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I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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