I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize