i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
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Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
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I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
did i just pee glitter
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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