community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize