Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
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I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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