Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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