I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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