Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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