I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
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Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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