I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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