On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize