so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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