Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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