OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
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I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
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I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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