even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
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Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
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I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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