happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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