i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Two words: blizzard sex
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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