Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
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he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
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We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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