in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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