Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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