Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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