Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
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I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
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Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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