I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
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Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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