I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
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My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
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I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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