I am spending my child support on dildos
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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