happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
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Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
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todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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