Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize