dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
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She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
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I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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