He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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