Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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