I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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