The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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