but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pinky promised me she was 18
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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