the day after is always just damage control
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
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