Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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