I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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