Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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