dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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