Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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