you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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