It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize