I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize