I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
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I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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