We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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