The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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